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datapad
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
i care still do, after all this perhaps i'll always care don't see why i shouldn't care 'sides, i've never really been able to bring myself to forget all that you've done all that we've done, good or bad. i remember the times (but gosh, i could go on forever) and i bear those marks of.. what has become the past the pictures, the little scribblings, the sticker, the calendar, the correction tape with my name on it. everything to help me hold on to that happiness a little longer even your email address, in your handwriting i've never cared so much before, and never knew that it could hurt this much. i don't care whether you believe it or not, but i'll always want to be there when it happens even if i don't know what i'll do lost, i am trapped in a world i don't even understand where i hurt, and got hurt in return, the first time i dared step out of my own little shell why do i even bother? but i don't know what else i can do i'm not strong enough to face the world myself neither are you, it seems. drawing out your demons? i want to battle them with you but how can i? when you won't let your guard down for me? to trust me to have your interests at heart? perhaps you don't trust me cause you've been hurt in the past cause you don't think anything i can possibly do will help ease the scars i don't know what to do about that i never know what to do about anything i thought you might be the one to help me find my way to light the path at the very least but in the end i am reminded, once again that i will forever stand alone.
Monday, October 02, 2006
why do some of the people around me seem to think that they know everybody else so fucking well? like.. born psychologists.. when it's so pretty darned obvious to others that all they're doing is jumping to conclusions? i know i don't. and i know i never claimed i did. but why do people just love to assume so much? because it gives them certainty? because it gives them a basis upon which they can act? because it makes them believe that they are doing the right thing, because it makes them feel good that they are doing something right? oh, the nobility. our most basic desires guide our actions, and we carry them out because we believe that they will best serve these desires. but do they, really? we don't know. or at least, i don't think so. which is why we have to look elsewhere other than merely to our own clueless emotions, to be able to seek, and find, what we truly want - happiness. do i know what's definitely right for me? i don't. which is why i am still at the beginning of a very long journey. which i may never complete. do i understand everything about how other people feel or think? i don't. heck, i don't even understand my school urriculum, how the fuck would i be able to understand people? but more importantly, i don't pretend that i do. which is why i don't judge people. because most of the times you have no idea what someone may be like on the inside. but even if you do, it shouldn't matter. because they are still people. nobody deserves to be mistreated for what people perceive his attitude to be. because ultimately all that he is, is the result of his background. and his genes. like jacen solo said, "they're no better or worse than we would be if we were raised in their system... it would be like hating a child for being raised badly." and because nobody is ever beyond redemption. which is why i treat. everyone. equally. do i sound angry? i guess i do. and i thought that i would be able to go, for one year, without actually being angry at somebody other than myself. like obi-wan said, "good job!" kyp durron would be proud. i just wish that people would stop behaving as though they're God. Because they can never be. Nobody can ever be. Only the Force itself can ever be complete. but in the meantime, here's to anyone who might be reading this. the next time you hear someone say, to yourself or to another, "he/she/you're just trying to show that.. " "he just thinks that.." "admit it, you're just trying to say that.. " "aiya, face it la, you're just.. " or "knowing you, you'd probably... " please, for my sake. or for your sake. or even for their sake. for the love of the Force. tell them to sit the fuck down, shut the fuck up, and think: before you ever think to judge another, please, just look in the fucking mirror and ask yourself whether you even know who you are. |
